the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
