Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
