bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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