yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
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