im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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