Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
