Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
