Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
