I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Are my feet made of real feet?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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