I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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