I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize