She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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