the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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