Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I will pee on everything he values.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Randomize
