Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
