This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
