We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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