Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
