He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
