i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
