Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
