I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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