May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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