last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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