You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
