you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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