I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
