You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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