he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
