seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
