Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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