I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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