Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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