Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
