He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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