I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
