I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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