If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
