I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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