whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
