I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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