when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize