The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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