i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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