I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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