your room smells of hookers.
And success
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
