That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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