the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
