My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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