he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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