I love black thongs
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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