yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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