they need to just BURY HIM!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize