my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
