Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
its not stalking. its research.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
