Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
