so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
