what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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