..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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