alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
