my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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