too bad you live with your parents still
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
