no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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