Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize