So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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