It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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