My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
