He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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