Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
