So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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