so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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