Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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