So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
