CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just high enough for therapy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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