Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
